Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Learning more about me

Sometimes I think the only people who can really understand me are the people like me...but I can be an interesting case study for any extroverts out there, nonetheless.

I feel like I'm finally coming to terms with who I am as a person and my personality type. As Susan Cain makes the case in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking,
we live in a world with an extrovert ideal. Since I'm an introvert, this has has very personal ramifications. What am I to do with myself? I homeschool. I'm at home with three children every single day of my life. I wake up exhausted and I go to bed exhausted. I seek solitude and quiet every day of my life. I very rarely find it.

Time alone really does give me energy. I really do need it. And I'm finally starting to let go of the guilt that the need for alone time has caused. I am learning that there are lots of other introverted people who have chosen the same road as me. They've decided to homeschool their children. They've decided to surround themselves with people 24/7 even though they know it will be hard. They've decided that they won't feel guilty for needing to carve out time in the day for recharging. And I'm making those steps, too. I'm talking about how I feel to my children. I'm explaining more and snapping less. 

I'm also a Christian. And that title - a student/follower of Christ - has its own implications, according to popular opinion. I must be exuberant in my worship, bold in my witness, and involved in the Christian community. I must proclaim my faith. And if I don't do those things, then to many I am subpar, at best. I'm still struggling to find my place, so to speak. I thank God that I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I am taking my time to find my purpose, in that respect. And I can finally look on my life with a clearer vision. I can see that I don't have to fit into anyone's mold. I don't have to conform to anyone else's idea of who I should be. I can discover it for myself - no matter how long it takes. And I'm glad. 

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